My neurologist called to move my appointment from Thursday to tomorrow. Thank God! I can't keep waiting like this. I'm terrified. It's showing in everything I do. My depression has heightened and my nerves are frail. I'm completely overwhelmed. I skipped school today to sleep. I need this to be over. The waiting is so difficult. I need to know what's going on with me so I can begin dealing with it. Maybe I'm all worked up for nothing. I just don't know. I fear the unknown more than I fear anything else. I probably won't even get any answers tomorrow but maybe something will come of it. I feel like I deserve something horrible to be wrong with me. I feel like I've earned severe physical punishment for all the crap I've done wrong. I'm always hard on myself and forget that I can receive grace if I will allow it. This is me reminding myself...
I need to sleep well. I would love to go ONE night without pain. I would love to wake up one morning and feel alive and refreshed. When a body aches continuously as this one does, it's hard to keep motivation with some things. I'm so tired. I'm so weak and worn down. I need rest.