I'm so disappointed in myself for how I feel about the holiday season. I used to love every bit of it and actually look forward to it. Now, I look forward to the break from school and getting to see my cousins. That may be about it. No one really knows this but I don't want a tree in my house. I don't want to have to have any decorations. I don't want to have to shop for anything and I'm fine with not getting anything. The only thing I want to have in my house is some egg nog. Just a little. I wasn't like this until a few years ago. I don't know what changed. Maybe my innocence of childhood is completely gone and there are so many responsibilities that I have during this time of year and we don't have much money and I can't stand the cold weather. I do find joy in seeing my kids happy about Christmas and I love the different ways they express themselves. I don't look forward to the inlaws and traveling and such. I'm not normally this down and out with things but I had to get this out one way or another. Maybe if I get it all out I'll feel differently. Maybe? Maybe...
I just want to fast forward to the day after Christmas and go on vacation with my family and enjoy some time together without having to worry about anything around here.
I am excited about Hayden's first Christmas. He will be 7 months old. That will be very exciting for him. This Christmas I will have to be excited for my kids. That's what I will have to do.