Sometimes I'm really sad about the decisions I have to make.
Music consumes my life and worship is the reason we live. Having to separate myself from those two things is really difficult.
I'm convinced that worship, true worship, should be from the heart and we should be free to express ourselves in our own different ways that are unique to who we are. When leadership declines in this area and continues to decline for a year and counting...and there is more frustration than there is a freedom to worship, things need to change. I don't like having to tell my worship pastor to please not place me back on the schedule but if I'm frustrated with everything happening and am unable to focus on the reason that we're there, I don't need to be a part of leading other people into worship when I can't reach that place myself. So my decision is made and will have to stay that way until significant changes are made.
I kind of wish that this was stemming from pregnancy hormones but I haven't been pregnant for the past 12 months so I know that isn't the case.
I know God will provide what is needed and he will settle my heart about this and all will be well in the way he wants it. No doubt.
If I'm suppose to be used, them I'm willing, but if I'm suppose to sit down and be quiet, then that's what I'll do.