Today has been a day of letting go of control. I'm not really a big control freak. I have had some intense times in my life of being a control freak but most of the time I'm pretty chill about things. I have felt emotionally on edge lately and I've been trying to get to the root of it. This is not an easy task sometimes. Especially when I don't have much time to myself to think or to do anythings else really.
I'm giving up control again. For some people this is a daily task, or an hourly task or sometimes even a task necessary per minute. I just need to release any control that I think I may have and let go so God can make the changes he needs to make in me so I can allow him to move freely.
I am releasing control of myself, my education, my current and future job, my children, my marriage, my husband (marriage and husband are two separate things), my church involvement and ministry involvement, my compulsive behaviors, my ex's soon to be wedding, my homework, my physical health, my finances (or lack of), my living situation, the temperament of my husband and children, my relationships and friendships, and my sleep. I have no control over any of these things. I want to have a certain level of control over many of them but the truth is that I have none. When I get to the place of realizing (again) that I have no control over anything and that it's all, individually and as a whole, in Gods hands and it's in his control, I can live life a little fuller because that takes a load off me. He knows what's best and I have to trust that and I do trust that. I have to continue to make the conscious decision to free myself from the burden of thinking I have any control.
It seems like my list of things to release control of is long. Well, it is. I'm sure it could be longer if I allowed myself to dig deeper. The truth is, I don't have time to dig deeper and when I lack time to concentrate on these things, that's when it gets worse. So this is me making time to stop and think and allow myself a place to look back and remember what I have released control of (AGAIN).
I'm thankful for a loving relationship with Jesus so overwhelming and beautiful to where he's ok with me having to do this time after time. I'm blessed and undeserving.
