Sometimes I would like to take a break from reality and relax and do my own thing a bit. I'm guessing everyone feels that way whether they admit to it or not. I think what I'm realizing is that I have this feeling often and that's one thing that led to the addiction I have struggled with on and off for a long time. Now that I am trying with all of my being to kick these old habits and truly rely on God and let Him heal my inner hurts, it makes me see how often I have given in to the temptations I have faced. I know He wants to make all my hurts better and I know all I have to do is trust Him with it and turn to Him in those times when I feel myself begin to struggle just as well as when I'm not. I know He wants all of who I am so He can make me what He wants me. Easier said than done but I'm seeing more and more that it's worth it.

Here are the lyrics of the bridge of a song I recently wrote.
"What if we gave
Him time to do His will in us?
What could we become
If we truly seek his face?"

Those words are true questions from my heart. There are often a lot of "what if's" that people ask but they keep them as "what if's" and never take the extra steps to really find out. It's scary, yes. I want to try to do better and trust Him more with my life and see what He wants with the opportunities that arise. The only thing that happens when I give into the temptations in feeling more empty and less satisfied.
I tried something new today. When I felt myself begin to struggle, I sang worship songs in my head until the desires I was having went away. God is bigger than the mess we make and the mess we crave. His faithfulness is often found with such simplicity. It only takes my willingness to see it.