I'm excited about all the weddings going on this summer. I love love <3
It's so great seeing people make their life long commitments to each other and make vows to love and keep on loving. It is one of the hardest commitments a person can ever make. Butterflies and desires eventually wear off and people are faced with the ups and downs of life along with facing the good, bad and the things the detest about their spouse. It's hard. But God honors the faithfulness of the commitments and vows that we make to Him and our spouse.
Weddings have always been one of my very favorite things to attend. I am grateful that I get to help plan one this summer, be matron of honor in another, and be a regular guest at yet another. It just makes me happy.
I'm not one for strapless dresses, especially while being the mother of small children but I'm hoping I rock out this dress!

I'm going to need a tan...

I find it amusing that I went off on my rant in my last post and it wasn't an hour later that I received a phone call from the Allied Health Department congratulating me for moving from the waiting list into the Radiology class that starts this fall. So, it's official. I am in the Radiography Program that starts this fall and I'm going to jump in and do it! I would be an idiot to let it pass. I will just have to get in there and see if my body can handle it or not. I will do my best and see what happens. I'm very excited!

hmmm...?

I am in some serious denial about my limitations. Honestly, I hate having limitations to begin with. Sometimes it makes me sad and sometimes it makes me angry. I get tired of the shape my body is in and I get tired of the way I have to neglect daily things of life in order to keep my pain level down. I literally just picked up some stuff out of the floor and vacuumed and I'm going to have to be done with house cleaning for the day. That makes me so sad and angry at the same time! There's so much to do but I cannot do it!
I spent 6 hours yesterday at the VA Hospital doing a clinical observation for school and spent most of that time debating myself in my mind about whether I can do what I was watching or not. It's frustrating because I knew exactly what I was going to be seeing. All of it. I have been to the information meeting and looked over the physical abilities/requirements page but ignored the fact that some of the things on there are outside of my limitations. I can't believe this denial I'm still in. It's ridiculous really.
I have to make a decision about this and I know what's best but I still haven't convinced myself that I know what's best. I know what I want and I know that if I push myself for the next 2 years of my life I will just be miserable and be eagerly awaiting the end of it. That isn't a healthy start. I'm trying to be quite a bit more mature in my decision making by looking at the full picture if I'm able to. I'm certainly able to look at the big picture here even if it's not in its entirety.
It's just frustrating to have to start all over again looking for something to do with my life but I guess it's ok. I definitely don't want to settle. I've had many ministry opportunities in the past 4 months that make me think I may need to keep my schedule open to allow God room to move me if I need to be moved. I'm just really not certain of anything and that's a difficult place for me to be because of my impatience. I'm glad I can type to vent because it really helps to sort through my thoughts.

Steady My Heart

I'm so not ready for tomorrow. Each time I accept sharing my story with a group of people brings a bit more healing to myself and could bring someone new into their own journey of healing. It doesn't necessarily make it any easier. I am nearly nauseated and almost terrified. I call it "a terrifying privilege" for a reason.

Wish it could be easyWhy is life so messyWhy is pain a part of usThere are days I feel likeNothing ever goes rightSometimes it just hurts so much
But You're hereYou're realI know I can trust You
Even when it hurtsEven when it's hardEven when it all just falls apartI will run to YouCause I know that You areLover of my soulHealer of my scarsYou steady my heart You steady my heart
I'm not gonna worryI know that You got meRight inside the palm of your handEach and every momentWhat's good and what gets brokenHappens just the way that You plan
But You're hereYou're realI know I can trust You
Even when it hurtsEven when it's hardEven when it all just falls apartI will run to YouCause I know that You areLover of my soulHealer of my scarsYou steady my heart You steady my heart
And I will run to YouAnd find refuge in Your armsAnd I will sing to YouCause of everything You areYou steady my heartYou steady my heart
Kari Jobe~Steady My Heart

I'm getting so very tired of so much drama. I thought becoming the manager of a store would have some complications but not high school drama. It leaves me exhausted. I don't appreciate being lied to and I also don't appreciate having an impromptu "take your baby to work day" because someone decides they are "too sick to work" even though they have been at work somewhere else all day. It's been a long day to say the least.
In other news, my favorite new baby entered the world at 5:26 this morning! I was suppose to be there for the delivery but they barely made it to the hospital themselves before the little diva made her grand appearance. I do like sleeping in (if 7:00 am is considered sleeping in...) but I really wanted to be there for the delivery. There are some things that are going to happen when they happen and labor and delivery are two of those things. Happy Birthday Piper Leigh!!!

My pain has been at an all time high for the past week. I have been able to do little outside of laying in the bed. It's been miserable. I have other things that need to be done but I haven't gotten around to much of it. Pain will make you do interesting things. It can and will control your life. I'm looking for relief. I want healthy relief.

I haven't had much to say in awhile. I feel like I've been rather busy lately but it's been a good kind of busy. I haven't really felt overwhelmed. It's been healthy stuff and productive stuff. It's nice to have that. Since Hayden has been sleeping through the night I feel much more rested and alive. It makes simple, everyday tasks a lot easier to take on. I feel very content and thankful. Perhaps the chocolate I've eaten recently helps with that!
I'm just happy where God has my family and I. I'm grateful for the work He is doing through my willingness to serve. It's rewarding to be obedient.