hmmm...?

I am in some serious denial about my limitations. Honestly, I hate having limitations to begin with. Sometimes it makes me sad and sometimes it makes me angry. I get tired of the shape my body is in and I get tired of the way I have to neglect daily things of life in order to keep my pain level down. I literally just picked up some stuff out of the floor and vacuumed and I'm going to have to be done with house cleaning for the day. That makes me so sad and angry at the same time! There's so much to do but I cannot do it!
I spent 6 hours yesterday at the VA Hospital doing a clinical observation for school and spent most of that time debating myself in my mind about whether I can do what I was watching or not. It's frustrating because I knew exactly what I was going to be seeing. All of it. I have been to the information meeting and looked over the physical abilities/requirements page but ignored the fact that some of the things on there are outside of my limitations. I can't believe this denial I'm still in. It's ridiculous really.
I have to make a decision about this and I know what's best but I still haven't convinced myself that I know what's best. I know what I want and I know that if I push myself for the next 2 years of my life I will just be miserable and be eagerly awaiting the end of it. That isn't a healthy start. I'm trying to be quite a bit more mature in my decision making by looking at the full picture if I'm able to. I'm certainly able to look at the big picture here even if it's not in its entirety.
It's just frustrating to have to start all over again looking for something to do with my life but I guess it's ok. I definitely don't want to settle. I've had many ministry opportunities in the past 4 months that make me think I may need to keep my schedule open to allow God room to move me if I need to be moved. I'm just really not certain of anything and that's a difficult place for me to be because of my impatience. I'm glad I can type to vent because it really helps to sort through my thoughts.