Yay for summer classes! Not...
I'm excited because I have a set goal that I can immediately put my mind to and I'm excited that I have classes to mark off the list again very soon. I'm kind of bummed that it involved 6 credit hours for the summer. That isn't a lot but it is when you're a mother of three children that will be home every day throughout the summer. I keep having to remind myself that getting these classes out of the way will help me tremendously over the next two years because I shouldn't have more than 11 credit hours each semester here on out. That will be much more beneficial to me and I will be able to put all of my focus into Radiology and that's what I need to do. I need a good system for the summer... Hmm... I'll have to think more on this.

I'm incredibly lonely

This is ridiculous

How I got here

I do not understand

Perhaps sleep will do

To rest a weary mind

Seek and pray and fast once more

'Til serenity I find

One Year Old

Happy first birthday to my sweet little love bug. I am so in love with this boy. He makes my heart smile and melt at the same time. I feel like he's saved my life in a way. He's just precious and wonderful and I love him so much!

No one compares, you stand alone
To every record I own
Music to my heart, that’s what you are
A song that goes on and on

Sometimes I just really want life to go away

This is one of those times

I'm excited about all the weddings going on this summer. I love love <3
It's so great seeing people make their life long commitments to each other and make vows to love and keep on loving. It is one of the hardest commitments a person can ever make. Butterflies and desires eventually wear off and people are faced with the ups and downs of life along with facing the good, bad and the things the detest about their spouse. It's hard. But God honors the faithfulness of the commitments and vows that we make to Him and our spouse.
Weddings have always been one of my very favorite things to attend. I am grateful that I get to help plan one this summer, be matron of honor in another, and be a regular guest at yet another. It just makes me happy.
I'm not one for strapless dresses, especially while being the mother of small children but I'm hoping I rock out this dress!

I'm going to need a tan...

I find it amusing that I went off on my rant in my last post and it wasn't an hour later that I received a phone call from the Allied Health Department congratulating me for moving from the waiting list into the Radiology class that starts this fall. So, it's official. I am in the Radiography Program that starts this fall and I'm going to jump in and do it! I would be an idiot to let it pass. I will just have to get in there and see if my body can handle it or not. I will do my best and see what happens. I'm very excited!

hmmm...?

I am in some serious denial about my limitations. Honestly, I hate having limitations to begin with. Sometimes it makes me sad and sometimes it makes me angry. I get tired of the shape my body is in and I get tired of the way I have to neglect daily things of life in order to keep my pain level down. I literally just picked up some stuff out of the floor and vacuumed and I'm going to have to be done with house cleaning for the day. That makes me so sad and angry at the same time! There's so much to do but I cannot do it!
I spent 6 hours yesterday at the VA Hospital doing a clinical observation for school and spent most of that time debating myself in my mind about whether I can do what I was watching or not. It's frustrating because I knew exactly what I was going to be seeing. All of it. I have been to the information meeting and looked over the physical abilities/requirements page but ignored the fact that some of the things on there are outside of my limitations. I can't believe this denial I'm still in. It's ridiculous really.
I have to make a decision about this and I know what's best but I still haven't convinced myself that I know what's best. I know what I want and I know that if I push myself for the next 2 years of my life I will just be miserable and be eagerly awaiting the end of it. That isn't a healthy start. I'm trying to be quite a bit more mature in my decision making by looking at the full picture if I'm able to. I'm certainly able to look at the big picture here even if it's not in its entirety.
It's just frustrating to have to start all over again looking for something to do with my life but I guess it's ok. I definitely don't want to settle. I've had many ministry opportunities in the past 4 months that make me think I may need to keep my schedule open to allow God room to move me if I need to be moved. I'm just really not certain of anything and that's a difficult place for me to be because of my impatience. I'm glad I can type to vent because it really helps to sort through my thoughts.