Isaiah's kindergarten program was so precious. It only lasted about 20 minutes but it was packed full of different cute songs that all the kindergarten classes did together. He doesn't normally participate when a group of kids are on stage singing together but he did SO GOOD. I'm a proud mommy!
Do parents normally tear up during these kinds of things? I tried to hide it when I got a little teary thinking that maybe it's the fact that I have 2 weeks of pregnancy left and I'm a basket case anyway, but then Nate told me in the car that he got teary during the performance and that made me feel a whole lot better about it and made me feel normal.

To top it all off...Makenna has her first loose tooth!!! I wiggled it today to confirm that it's loose and we both bounced and squealed like girls do :) Yay!!

Yes

I am totally blown away by saying "yes" to God. Why do we doubt him to begin with?
There are so many things about my past that I would like to erase and forget about forever and not be able to look back on it for any reason at all. However, I know that God see's that a little bit differently.
I have decided to say yes to him working in my life and through my life and he's taking all the chances he seems to get to prove that it's the best decision I could have made.
I've been given two opportunities just this week to hand out a piece of my heart to two different women to reassure them that God loves them where they are. The first one was so great to be a part of and watch God open her eyes right in front of me. The second is still in the making. I'm not sure what's going to happen but she is living the exact life that I have lived. There's pretty much nothing different about hers and mine. I suppose the only difference is that right now, she is where I was two years ago. God has done so much to prove himself to me in these past two years and I'm so ready to pour my heart out to her so she can know it and have this same redemption that I have.
If anyone reads this, just say yes.

Last night I began getting nervous about having this baby. It hit me that I will be a mother of THREE. Yes, I've known it the whole time, but it's really beginning to sink in now. I guess because it's getting so close.
The more contractions I have, the more I remember the pain of going into labor and I have this underlying fear that I won't make it to the hospital in enough time to get an epidural and I just can't imagine that much pain. Surely I'll make it in time. Surely I'll know it's coming. Surely this little guy will hold off long enough for me to get some pain meds. I can hope for that, right?
I want to be a great mother and I want this time to be so very special and much different than the last 2 deliveries and hospital stays. I'm going to try not to be nervous.
4 weeks...

I know the baby dropped last night. I felt every bit of it from 11:30 to 12:30. It's kind of been nice because I've had room to put food into my stomach today and not feel nauseated and I was actually able to eat full meals.
I've taken on a new project now that the rocking chair has all new cushions.
We've been looking for a new kitchen table that isn't round because the round table takes up too much space in our small kitchen. We could have a bigger table if it were in the shape of a rectangle. So, last night I was looking at our old coffee table and said, "Perfect!!!". This is my new project. I have cut the legs of the old matching end tables a little shorter than they were and have stained them and will add cushions and a cover on both. They will be stool/seats for the kids. I bought some table legs to add to the coffee table to make it taller. I just need to sand off the top and stain it and match the legs up to it and we'll have a super nice kitchen table set that cost us around $100. Can't beat that! I enjoy being a little crafty. However, I'm not a big fan of power tools. They make me nervous because I'm really clumsy to begin with. I managed to get all the legs of the stools to the same length, from what I can tell, so that in itself is the miracle of this project.
Let's see what I can come up with to do next!

Sometimes I hear little pops when the baby kicks me. I've looked it up on Google because it's not worth calling the doctor about since I have a visit next week. Most people say it's his joints popping. That's crazy! It's sweet that I can feel him AND hear him. I can't wait to meet him so soon!!!! 5.5 weeks left...unless he wants to come a little early, which is fine by me. Mwah! Love you little guy!!

I'm not really sure how I get to the point of having a friendship close enough with anyone for them to tell me that they have my back. Those are big words to me. If someone is going to say that though, I would appreciate some follow through. I got close enough again to get hurt very badly. I guess making yourself vulnerable is exactly how it sounds. It makes me not want to do that ever again. People like that make me want to scream. I may........
Maybe what makes it hardest is when it's someone you do ministry with. Perhaps that's why I'm a bit tainted and ready to move on and want to see REAL people.

What is church anyway?

It seems like I'm having to re-learn everything I once knew about going to church. I'm 26 years old and trying to figure out why we go. It's not that I don't want to go and it's not that I don't enjoy being a part of it. What I'm getting at is that I'm trying to distinguish the tradition from the ministry.
Having grown up in a baptist church, a southern baptist church, I've seen so much tradition there and I'm afraid real ministry is often missed. The past two years have shown me that but I have seen it even more so in the past year. I've been more aware of people giving their lives for their faith while we sit in church critiquing music, people, vehicles, clothes, etc. It's mind boggling if nothing else.
There are so many things in the Bible that I don't know and haven't ever heard. I'm not much of a history buff and I'm not really into theology but I really do enjoy when someone studies the Bible well and is able to get things across to me that I've never known before. It makes me feel like I've learned something more to defend my faith rather than being told the same simple things all the time.
I feel like I'm getting away from my point...
What's the point of going to church to sit and listen to some people sing, a person or two say a prayer, give (or not give) some money, meet a few people, and listen to a man preach? It seems so...so...routine...comfortable...what we're used to...? I like routine. Routine makes me happy and keeps me from getting anxious. Comfortable makes me happy. Being uncomfortable is, well, uncomfortable...
Trying to determine whether I'm sucked into a routine or actively involved in a ministry where people are being reached by God's grace, love, and mercy, somehow seem to blur together and it's hard to tell which is which. That's a problem.
I like the word "radical". It's a scary word but it also gets a point across to me. Look-

Adjective:

(esp. of change or action) Relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough.

If going to church, or being part of a ministry isn't causing a change, isn't far reaching or thorough to anyone, or everyone, it needs to be reevaluated and made right. 
This seems a little scattered but I know what I'm trying to say, I think...
I want to be actively involved...in a place...with other people...who love Jesus and are changed by who He is and who want to reach other people (pretty, ugly, smart, dumb, wasteful, talented, different, etc.) alike, or different, to experience the greatness of our God. I don't want to have to worry about wearing nice clothes (even thought I like to) just because that's what everyone wears when they go to church. I don't even know why I tell my kids they need to wear a certain type of clothes on Sunday. It doesn't even make sense when I say it.
I want, no...I need to see people living the purpose of church. I need to be a part of the reason there is church. I need church to not feel like a social event where you wonder who will talk to you this time or who will overlook you. I need to see passion in believers eyes that reflect the passion of their hearts. I need that kind of passion within myself more than just sometimes.
What is church? Why is it church? Who's real and who needs to see what's real before they can be real themselves? The answers are easy but so hard.