Thursday, February 16, 2012
I'm pleased with my house cleaning and rearranging so far this morning. I have gotten a lot accomplished and that always makes me feel better about my day. However, my homework has been neglected this week because of so many other things that were pressing. I'm going to have to spend a good 5 hours today and tomorrow catching up so I can keep a good grade in History. Only two and a half weeks left until my first 2 finals. Then 8 weeks of 2 other classes and a lab until this semester is complete! Yay for progress!!!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Still trying to figure out what to do with my life.
What do I want to be when I grow up?
I was/am currently working on an Associates in Arts but after looking over the requirements for an Associates in Science this past week it looks like I'm closer to earning a degree in Science. It would make sense for me to go that route. I'll be done a lot quicker. But will it benefit me in the future? THAT'S the big question.
I'm still undecided on what will come of all of this education.
In a way I feel like it's a lot easier to make these decisions straight out of high school. I knew then what I wanted to do but an injury now prevents me from doing that line of work for the rest of my life. A fresh high school graduate has little grasp on life and the pressures of it and the realities of it. It's easier to make a decision about what you WANT to do.
I now have the pressures of making the best decisions for the children I currently have and have to take in consideration what my husband thinks about it all too. Neither of those things bother me. They simply make the decision harder. I guess because I can't fool around and waste time like I was able to when I was younger and didn't have these responsibilities.
Much prayer has gone into this and much more will go in. I mainly want to do what God has set out for me to do. Figuring that part out is what is tough. I'm good at a lot of things and I enjoy a lot of things and I would be happy with the few routes I have laid out. I just have to know which one is right and which one is best.
What do I want to be when I grow up?
I was/am currently working on an Associates in Arts but after looking over the requirements for an Associates in Science this past week it looks like I'm closer to earning a degree in Science. It would make sense for me to go that route. I'll be done a lot quicker. But will it benefit me in the future? THAT'S the big question.
I'm still undecided on what will come of all of this education.
In a way I feel like it's a lot easier to make these decisions straight out of high school. I knew then what I wanted to do but an injury now prevents me from doing that line of work for the rest of my life. A fresh high school graduate has little grasp on life and the pressures of it and the realities of it. It's easier to make a decision about what you WANT to do.
I now have the pressures of making the best decisions for the children I currently have and have to take in consideration what my husband thinks about it all too. Neither of those things bother me. They simply make the decision harder. I guess because I can't fool around and waste time like I was able to when I was younger and didn't have these responsibilities.
Much prayer has gone into this and much more will go in. I mainly want to do what God has set out for me to do. Figuring that part out is what is tough. I'm good at a lot of things and I enjoy a lot of things and I would be happy with the few routes I have laid out. I just have to know which one is right and which one is best.
Friday, January 20, 2012
The more I think about things over the past couple days the more I hope that I don't appear to be a person that has it all together. I most definitely do not! I am still a pile of mess that strives to find the best way to get through every day. I am overwhelmed more than I am not. I struggle with bad thoughts and even going through with them a lot. I am nothing but a heap of trash that has ultimately been forgiven and I'm working every day, some days harder than others, on getting this heap of trash into a beautiful creation.
I am often intimidated by people who appear to have it all together. I am often intimidated by pretty people. I want to be like them and look like them. But I'm just me and I have to remember that and I have to remember that even those other people who may appear to have it "all together"...they don't.
We (I) have been shown by so many others that wearing a mask is the best way to get by so you don't bring others down and so you can stay strong for others who are weak and so you don't get looked down on. In reality, we're all weak. Some have strengths where others have weaknesses but we all are weak and if we would be totally honest, we just plain don't have it all together and we need the help of someone, a friend, a parent, a spouse, Jesus, whomever, to help us through.
This has been a really difficult week for me. I have tried to hold it together the best I can but all that has done is made me angry and exposed to a bad temperament. I should have admitted to myself and to at least someone else that the first trip to the hospital was a bit overwhelming. Then after the second trip, I should have just cried it out and gotten rid of the emotions that I've been hanging on to.
I went to Labor and Delivery because of these pains I've been having. I didn't have these pains with the others until they were ready to be born, so I was really nervous. Come to find out my pubic bone is slowly being separated by the stretching of everything inside and that's why I hurt. I can handle it. It hurts every day, every time I get up, every time I sit, yada yada, so forth, etc. I will make it work though.
Isaiah woke up Sunday morning throwing up blood and I cried only for a minute about it. I was in a panic but it was 4:30 am and I had to get dressed, get someone to the house to stay with Makenna, get Isaiah dressed, pack a snack because I can't go long in the mornings without food, get my head on straight and get my boy to the ER. I cried all the way to the hospital but I don't know if Nate or Isaiah either one heard me. I didn't want Isaiah to hear me because I didn't want him to be scared so I let my tears out quietly. I knew that a hysterical mother wouldn't be allowed to stay with her son there so I pulled myself together and stayed strong like a good girl.
No good answer from the doctor so we took him to his pediatrician Monday. He's fine and he's going to be fine. He's on Previcid for acid reflux which only makes sense with our family history. Now he's taking pills that you have to swallow whole so that's a chore in itself but he's a big boy and learning how to do it better every day.
May I say now that I have been an emotional wreck but I haven't spoken a word of it?
Sometimes you just aren't strong and that's okay. Tell someone. Get the words out that you NEED to, cry out what you need to and get yourself to a healthier state. Yes, I'm talking to myself and whoever else is reading.
I am often intimidated by people who appear to have it all together. I am often intimidated by pretty people. I want to be like them and look like them. But I'm just me and I have to remember that and I have to remember that even those other people who may appear to have it "all together"...they don't.
We (I) have been shown by so many others that wearing a mask is the best way to get by so you don't bring others down and so you can stay strong for others who are weak and so you don't get looked down on. In reality, we're all weak. Some have strengths where others have weaknesses but we all are weak and if we would be totally honest, we just plain don't have it all together and we need the help of someone, a friend, a parent, a spouse, Jesus, whomever, to help us through.
This has been a really difficult week for me. I have tried to hold it together the best I can but all that has done is made me angry and exposed to a bad temperament. I should have admitted to myself and to at least someone else that the first trip to the hospital was a bit overwhelming. Then after the second trip, I should have just cried it out and gotten rid of the emotions that I've been hanging on to.
I went to Labor and Delivery because of these pains I've been having. I didn't have these pains with the others until they were ready to be born, so I was really nervous. Come to find out my pubic bone is slowly being separated by the stretching of everything inside and that's why I hurt. I can handle it. It hurts every day, every time I get up, every time I sit, yada yada, so forth, etc. I will make it work though.
Isaiah woke up Sunday morning throwing up blood and I cried only for a minute about it. I was in a panic but it was 4:30 am and I had to get dressed, get someone to the house to stay with Makenna, get Isaiah dressed, pack a snack because I can't go long in the mornings without food, get my head on straight and get my boy to the ER. I cried all the way to the hospital but I don't know if Nate or Isaiah either one heard me. I didn't want Isaiah to hear me because I didn't want him to be scared so I let my tears out quietly. I knew that a hysterical mother wouldn't be allowed to stay with her son there so I pulled myself together and stayed strong like a good girl.
No good answer from the doctor so we took him to his pediatrician Monday. He's fine and he's going to be fine. He's on Previcid for acid reflux which only makes sense with our family history. Now he's taking pills that you have to swallow whole so that's a chore in itself but he's a big boy and learning how to do it better every day.
May I say now that I have been an emotional wreck but I haven't spoken a word of it?
Sometimes you just aren't strong and that's okay. Tell someone. Get the words out that you NEED to, cry out what you need to and get yourself to a healthier state. Yes, I'm talking to myself and whoever else is reading.
You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground
You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground
You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go
I know I’m not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same
And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here to
Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same
And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here to
Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go
The Afters-You Lift Me Up (Partial Lyrics)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
These quotes are absolutely beautiful
Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life. --George MacDonald
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.—Unknown
Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. --Cherie Carter-Scott
He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.--George Herbert
Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively. -- David McArthur & Bruce McArthur
A Christian will find it cheaper to pardon than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, and the waste of spirit. --Hannah More
Forgiveness means that you've decided not to let it keep festering inside even if it only comes up once in awhile. --Doc Childre and Howard Martin
Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me. --Sara Paddison
Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past. --Unknown
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. --William A. Ward
You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. --Lewis B. Smedes
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. --William Blake
Without deep humility, true forgiveness is impossible…and will never happen. --Martha Kilpatrick
Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. --Anonymous
One forgives to the degree that one loves. --Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Louis B. Smedes
"Whoever is forgiven much, loves much." Luke 7:47
"It is one thing to be forgiven, to actually receive it is another matter." Gary Amirault
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