Christmas and I have a sort of bitter-sweet relationship now. I wouldn't trade anything for the time that I get to spend with the Owensby's and Johnson's. That's the sweet part. I still just struggle so darn bad with the whole other side of the family. It's just difficult. I don't ever feel completely accepted or free to be who I am. I love giving. I love giving from the heart. I'm not free to do that there. Maybe I've just felt for so many years that I give all I have to give and it isn't appreciated like I hope it will be. And it's hard for me to enjoy Christmas when I get so many things at one time that I really have no idea what I've gotten when I get home. That isn't Christmas to me. No one has to buy my gratitude. No one needs to buy my appreciation. In fact, no one can. That seems cheap to me. I don't need all these things to make me happy. Things from the heart make me happy. Not stuff..stuff...stuff...stuff...stuff... I will take something homemade any day. I will take a couple things over handfuls of things. It all loses it's purpose and sincerity when things begin to pile up. And I REALLY get frustrated when my kids are given so much that they don't have time to sit and appreciate the few things they've been given. It just all goes against everything I've ever known Christmas to be.
The only things I want for Christmas are a couple gift cards to Lowe's so I can do some things around the house that I need to do and I want a nice, cozy, comfortable, bright housecoat. Those things would make Christmas complete for me.

Oh...getting a Zildjian hoodie wouldn't hurt my feelings at all...