Letting Go Again

Today has been a day of letting go of control. I'm not really a big control freak. I have had some intense times in my life of being a control freak but most of the time I'm pretty chill about things. I have felt emotionally on edge lately and I've been trying to get to the root of it. This is not an easy task sometimes. Especially when I don't have much time to myself to think or to do anythings else really.
I'm giving up control again. For some people this is a daily task, or an hourly task or sometimes even a task necessary per minute. I just need to release any control that I think I may have and let go so God can make the changes he needs to make in me so I can allow him to move freely.
I am releasing control of  myself, my education, my current and future job, my children, my marriage, my husband (marriage and husband are two separate things), my church involvement and ministry involvement, my compulsive behaviors, my ex's soon to be wedding, my homework, my physical health, my finances (or lack of), my living situation, the temperament of my husband and children, my relationships and friendships, and my sleep. I have no control over any of these things. I want to have a certain level of control over many of them but the truth is that I have none. When I get to the place of realizing (again) that I have no control over anything and that it's all, individually and as a whole, in Gods hands and it's in his control, I can live life a little fuller because that takes a load off me. He knows what's best and I have to trust that and I do trust that. I have to continue to make the conscious decision to free myself from the burden of thinking I have any control.
It seems like my list of things to release control of is long. Well, it is. I'm sure it could be longer if I allowed myself to dig deeper. The truth is, I don't have time to dig deeper and when I lack time to concentrate on these things, that's when it gets worse. So this is me making time to stop and think and allow myself a place to look back and remember what I have released control of (AGAIN).
I'm thankful for a loving relationship with Jesus so overwhelming and beautiful to where he's ok with me having to do this time after time. I'm blessed and undeserving.

1 Year Old

I decided to make this a simple low cost and low key birthday party. We don't need anything extravagant, we just needed to celebrate a precious life. Happy birthday little man!

We chose Monkey's because Makenna says Hayden is curious like Curious George :)

His monkey cake wasn't perfect but he loved it!

Hayden celebrated his first birthday on the same day grandaddy turned 90. This is pretty awesome. 

I really hate it when I've taken awhile to type out an email from my heart and feel like I have proof read it 30 times only to type one last sentence, hit send, and then realize I never proof read the last sentence and that's the one that needed correcting. Fail.
There's more to life than leaving out a word. I know. I know. The word "for" can be very important though!
Eh well. It's in Gods hands to do whatever He thinks is most necessary with it WHEN He thinks it's most necessary. I have no control. I gave that up awhile ago. So it's really been in Gods hands all along.

Hayden's new thing is pulling my shirt up a little and biting my bellybutton ring and then trying to pull it with his teeth. Weird. This needs to stop. It's just interesting what a 12 month old finds hysterical :)

It's a little late but we're finally getting ready for the little big mans birthday party. I may be going all out on this. I'm not sure. He's just precious. I'm not spending much money. I refuse to. I'm making some gluten free cupcakes that will look like little monkeys and Makenna wants me to make Hayden his own little yellow cake. I'll have to think about that one because I hadn't planned to. I'm making all the decorations. It won't cost much at all but it will be a super cute first birthday. I hope I can manage all this with 3 of us being sick. Hayden is finally starting to feel a little better. Nate is passed out on the couch right now because he is miserably sick. He didn't call out of work today but when he got there they started looking for a replacement for him and found one so he was able to come back home. I'm not feeling all that great but I'm managing 3 kids the best I can with the sickness that I have. So, preparing for the party should be interesting to say the least. I'm looking forward to celebrating!

I love hearing from my friend in Thailand! It makes my heart happy with each email I receive from her. I'm hoping God will put together a trip for me to go there soon. I miss her so much! It's a pretty big deal to move to Thailand as a permanent mission trip. I admire her heart, courage and selflessness. She get's it! To hear the things that happened there last week...the way God put such small things together to make some incredibly big things happen, it's so cool and so encouraging.
I'll see you one day soon my friend! I love you and love what you're doing!

The two biggest things that break my heart are:
People not giving Jesus a chance because of the way some people harm his image
And...
People judging me before hearing or knowing my heart