I have so much potential lying inside of me but here I stay, stuck here with this "good for nothing" feeling. It's breaks me down so often. I need somewhere and something to put my time and effort into. I need to make more of myself than this lame, can't work, always in pain, zombie I've become. No wonder I deal with this depression the way that I have. I need to put myself out there and put my life into other's lives. I miss that. Not that I need my life to be consumed with something but I do need something productive to place my heart and life into.
I think I'm going to finish this post and send an email to Asheville Crisis Pregnancy Center. I have been meaning to do that for the past couple of months but I have failed to do so. I don't know what is waiting for me there but I have this unexplainable draw to that place. Something is definitely waiting for me there. I need to jump in and see what it is and get this feeling of worthlessness behind me. It bogs me down tremendously and I need to kick it.

The 4 of us ventured out in the snow today to play. We had a great time! The kids got really cold and poor Makenna's little fingers get cold so quickly so our adventure didn't last too long but it was packed with fun. I enjoyed trying to make a snowman. It didn't turn out very well...
Anyway, I'm really wanting some time alone with Nate. I've been asking him for a date lately. I need some time with him, just him. Badly. It's important to me. I understand that it's hard to have time especially having the kids all the time and trying to figure out what to do with them while we try to spend time together. I just need it.
I'm also tired and ready for a good nights sleep. I haven't had that in quite awhile. My back has been hurting me again like it used to so I'm going to have to call the doctor tomorrow and tell them what's up and see what I need to do.
That's all for now. I may try to rest now.

Christmas Love

It's been such a lovely day. I haven't been looking forward to Christmas until yesterday but it has been great since. It's snowed a good 6 inches at the least and it has been a beautiful day. We were able to get out and visit my parents and the grandparents. It's just been a lovely day. The kids have been great and all of our time together has been so good. I'm happy that my family has been together this Christmas...the 4 of us. It's been so nice. I really missed this last year. This year seems like the best Christmas of all. There hasn't been any bad moods, or tempers, or yelling, or frustration. Love has been lived out today and I am ever so appreciative and thankful for it. What a blessed day. My God is faithful!

A New Day

Here's to a new beginning. 

A change of pace and possibly a change of style.