I have a rather testy 4 year old for the past few days. She really is testing her limits with me. It's difficult to say the least. On top of that, I have many hours of homework to get done today. So for now I will continue to split my computer screen with her and let her watch kids songs on You Tube while I work on my math.
Yeah, so, whoever is in school full time and do not have kids or a house to maintain as well as a marriage, consider yourself privileged and a little more sane than those of us trying to conquer all of those put together.
Sleep will be my best of friends tonight.

I'm not very happy with myself

What an amazing morning! I really enjoy being able to take the kids to school and have some time to myself. This morning was a little different though. We were constantly about 5 minutes late all morning. I couldn't get my butt of out bed so I was a little behind which put everything else behind. We got in the school line a little later than normal so that put us more behind. Isaiah wanted to carry his backpack in his hand rather than on his shoulders so with every step it dragged on the ground which tripped him up and slowed us down a little more. Makenna had trouble leaving Isaiah's school because her poor little elbow hurt so she couldn't walk...
I finally got Makenna to preschool and Nate met me there to get a book out of the car. The constant set backs actually put me right on time to meet up with a friend in need. I didn't get upset about us being a little behind schedule this morning because I'm doing my best to not get upset in the mornings because when I do it creates more of a disaster than just being behind. So with my attitude and temper in check, God decided to put me where he wanted me, right when he wanted me there.
I saw a girl I know walking up the road after leaving Makenna's school so I stopped and asked her if she wanted a ride. She wasn't going very far but I convinced her to let me take her where she needed to go. While she was in the car we were able to talk about so much in such a short amount of time. I learned that she was officially divorced 3 months ago and she is only 24 years old. Although the divorce is official, she has felt impressed by God to try to work things out with her husband and he feels the same way! Whoa! I have totally been there and what an opportunity awaited me. We were able to talk about the difficulties of separation and the depression involved with that time and the problems that led up to the separation and the healing that has taken place on each individual during the whole process. I can only say that God is amazing and with him all things are possible.
Her marriage was way worse than mine was. Her and her husband had bigger problems than we did. They very possibly have more to work through than we do. But God is so gracious and merciful that he can handle this and they already know that. How encouraging and excited to see him working in others and I get to watch it happen and encourage them and let them know that it's worth it. It's not easy! None of it! It's exhausting to attempt to put a marriage back together and learn to trust again and learn to love even when at times you don't like the person you're suppose to love. Just an amazing experience of grace and love and I have been living it and now I get to watch it play out in someone else's marriage. It's so encouraging and exciting!
I told her that there will be many times she will be upset with herself and say "what the crap am I doing this for?!" but those times will come and go, just as they should, and God will bless her efforts.
I'm so humbled and excited to be used in times like this. It's all about love, looove, loooovvve. Go God!

I never thought I would say this...but...I'm becoming rather fond of the library. Who knew such a thing could be so awesome? I see us spending many days together in the near future xoxoxo

heart...mind...strength

Trying with all of your heart, mind and strength is really challenging. You may get your heart in the right place but then something goes whack in your mind then, poof, there goes your strength. At other times your mind may be in the right place but your heart just isn't in it and you have no strength at all. It's very difficult to get these 3 things in good working order all at the same time. All kinds of factors play into this. Lack of rest. Lack of goof nutrition. Lack of exercise. Lack of love. Lack of joy. 

What keeps you from jumping into something with your whole heart? Fear is often what binds me up. I get scared that someone won't like what I'm doing or someone will get upset with me or someone won't approve. I tend to like to make people happy, especially those that are closet to me. Being tired often is a factor for me as well.

I'm on this roller coaster pattern that is up and down and side to side. I try to do what's right and not care what anyone thinks. As long as God is happy then I'm happy too. But then I get tired and seriously drained and there goes the combination of heart, mind and strength. Then the roller coaster begins again with wind blowing me  from all directions. I keep hearing the phrase "we are the beautiful oak planted on the rivers edge where our reflection is there for everyone to see the goodness of God's glory in us". That's a pretty powerful one to take in. If I can stay planted like that tree is, I can stay strong and firm where I'm planted. I might bend but I won't break. Cool. Cool! I love analogies. 

My plan until I forget again...stay firmly planted in the incorruptible foundation and raise my hands in praise to the one who made me and let Him have the fight since He's already won the battle. 

Once, I had someone that I was able to share my deepest, innermost thoughts with. I'm really not sure what to do with those thoughts anymore. I want to get them out but I'm unsure of how to do that. It's always nice to be able to share them with someone but I don't know who that someone would be now.

Public Speaking...

...not that I like it...not that I don't. It's just a class that pretty much everyone has to take eventually. My first speech is next Tuesday and it's a short one to introduce myself and then I have the option to pick 1 of 5 questions.
1. What I would dare to dream if I knew I could NOT fail?
2. What is the most unusual job you have ever had and what did you learn positive about this job?
3. What is the best movie of all time and why?  Did this film have a positive or negative effect to the audience/society?
4. Who’s the most unusual character you have ever met and why?
5. Who do you consider a “superhero” (living or dead) and why is this person important to your life?

      Not too terribly difficult, right? Nah. I decided to go with the last question. Who's the superhero? Well, when he first came to my mind, I will admit, I felt very shy and even cringed a little to think that I would do my first speech on him. Then I thought more and more about it and I've decided that there's no better way to share the gospel with that many people at once than to tell them that my superhero is Jesus. It still makes me very nervous because I get nervous talking about my faith. I think this is an extremely simple way to do it and I'm fulfilling the assignment at the same time.

      I've written it out so now I'll have to wait until Tuesday to see how it goes.