Friends

I'm so glad that Jason and Sarah have moved close to us. It's great having good friends nearby and another woman that stays home with her 2 and 1 year old. I definitely see best friend material in her. She's a great mom and she's laid back and she seems a lot like me. It's really nice to finally connect with another woman that has kids that are really young like mine. It gives us even more in common. I haven't met another mom that I connect with this well. I really love her and Jason and I'm just glad they're close to us now. I'm also glad that Nate has such a good friend in Jason, even to the point of them going to school together. I love it!

So now that you know God (or should I say, now that God knows you), why do you want to go back again and become slaves once more to the weak and useless spiritual principles of this world?

Galatians 4:9

This scripture makes me sit back and think quite a lot. 

I still struggle a lot with my past and there are always thoughts of what I've done and how I hate some things that I've done and how I miss the rebellious parts sometimes and how I miss the attractions within the addictions. Some of it seems rather stupid. I feel like an idiot for missing some of it but I guess that's just human nature and I'm just being honest. 

Now that God has gotten my attention and and pulled my attention back to reality, I look at this verse and ask myself several questions. Why would I accept God's grace and mercy and then throw it all back in His face as if I were ungrateful for it? Why would I take the lessons that I've learned and grown from and put it all in reverse and fall back into all that crap and be a slave to lust and pleasure and sin and depression? Why would I do that? It wouldn't make any sense. 

 ¹ Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? ² Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?

Romans 6:1-2

God has brought me through a lot and from a lot. I thank Him every day for where He has has me compared to where I've been. I'm thankful that He didn't decide to be done with me even though I mocked Him time after time. Yes, it was I that put those spikes in his hands and feet and held him to the cross. I'm also the one that spit in his face and laughed at His scorning. It puts me in tears to think of it that way but it's the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. More truth...sometimes I consider spitting in His precious face again. Sometimes I consider adding slashes onto His back. Sometimes I consider laughing once again in the midst of His agony. We all do. What are we thinking? What am I thinking?! Of course I don't literally mean that I would hit Him or literally spit in His face or laugh at his suffering but that's the concept of what happens each time I miss my regretful past. Those are the things that would happen if I went through with the things that cross my mind when I consider jumping back into the lusts and pleasures that my skin longs for. 

¹² Do not let sin control the way you live;^[a] do not give in to sinful desires. ¹³ Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. ¹⁴ Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.

Roman's 6:12-14

I don't want to be ungrateful of what my Lord has done for me and I sure don't want to make light of the things He's taken me out of and placed me into. He is good and He is worthy of my best. I don't feel like giving my best all the time but He most certainly always gives His best. He love us. He loves me. 

 ¹⁵ Well then, since God’s grace has set us free from the law, does that mean we can go on sinning? Of course not! ¹⁶ Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. ¹⁷ Thank God! Once you were slaves of sin, but now you wholeheartedly obey this teaching we have given you. ¹⁸ Now you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living.

 Romans 6:15-18

Sha-Bam

I've figured it out! 

Bicycling is going to be my answer to fitness. I went about a mile a couple days ago and I went a mile and a half today and it wasn't that bad. These hills can get kind of tough but that's the joy of it. Up hill when I leave the house...down hill the last half mile back. I like that. It doesn't hurt my neck but it's an amazing lower body workout. My legs and butt will kill before long. Mwaahahahaha.
As far as upper body, I'm still working on figuring that part out. Abs? Ab Lounge!!! Got it at Habitat for Humanity for $15. Heck to the yeyah.
Maybe now I can shed this 20 lbs that I've put on since last summer and maybe I'll be able to fit back into a couple pair of jeans that aren't my friends right now :'(
I'm excited to have a good cardio program now as well as some good muscle building and toning.

It's time to say goodbye to my career as a firefighter. I worked my last day Thurday and I will no longer be employed by the Town of Weaverville after May 13th. Am I sad? Yes I am. I worked very hard to get where I was. I put a lot of sweat and even blood into getting there. I can't help that I have an injury. I worked very hard to try to improve but this is as good as it gets. Maybe I will improve as time passes. The doctor told me that's a possibility but there's no way to know for sure how long it could take or if it will even happen. Time will tell.
I have a meeting and orientation with vocational rehab this coming week and I will be given a guidance counselor and they will help me figure out what career would be best for me. I feel like it's my senior year of high school again with all the pressures of trying to decide what I want to do with my life. The difference is that I knew what I wanted to do then and I went for it. Now my options are a little more limited but I know my education will be paid for so that takes a lot of stress off of me.
I have a few things I would like to go to school for but it's hard to come out of a career knowing I will never be able to go back into it and now pick a new one. I'm 25 years old, I'm married and have 2 kids, 1 of which starts kindergarten in 3 months and here I am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. It's not easy. I'm excited about going back to school though. I really want to jump in with all I have and do the best I can and make the most of this opportunity and enjoy it.

To quote Forrest Gump, "Stupid is, stupid does."
I can relate rather well.
To go along with that I would have to say "Fickle is, fickle does."
Sometimes we attract people to us that are the same as us. I know I get on my own nerves more often than not so it would only make sense that I attract people with the same personalities and character traits as myself. I know that my friends are going to get on my nerves the same way I get on my own nerves. If they're fickle, chances are I'm fickle too. If they do things I can't stand, more than likely I do things they can't stand as well. I'm sure this applies to everyone that lives and breathes. I guess the irony is that "normal" is frustrating and that love is a choice. If you love someone and choose to keep them in your life it's because you choose to love the things that are easy to love about them and you work through the things that irritate the crap out of you. The people that love you make the same choice, if they are still around. Choose your battles wisely and love as you want to have love given to you. Maybe, just maybe, if you begin giving the love and kindness you wish to have for yourself, you will then begin to be blessed just the same.

Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I just wonder.

Alright it's time to find a good way that I can work out and keep my neck from hurting. I finally found a way to do upper body excercises but it isn't enough to keep me in shape. I've gained more weight than I want to admit since I've been off of full duty at the fire department. In 1 month it will be a year since my injury and it's been nearly that long since I've had a good work out. I refuse to buy new clothes and I also refuse to continue to look the way I do in some of the clothes I have. It's seriously time to find a way to work out and not have migraines from it. Let the exploring begin...